but they purloined my coat - well, you missed a sleeeeve!

[mangofandango]

I have just realized that, despite not listening to the Rent soundtrack for a very long time, I cannot use the phrase "you okay?" without including the word "honey" and then thinking "I'm afraid so." This is probably also why I can't hear the phrase "halfway there" without thinking "livin' on a prayer" or...you know. If I could use my brain for real things, I would be Smart and Powerful! I have a vast repository of these kind of connections, I know the words to most of the songs on the radio, but I do not remember most of the things I actually worked on learning. Whatevs, brain.

Today I went to my acupuncture appointment, City Market, and the library. I was productive and Did Things. Then, after lunch, I realized I was getting The Cold. I have been sort of expecting The Cold for a while now, but it didn't come...until today. I have been largely sitting around feeling run-down ever since. I am hoping to dose myself heavily with vitamins and tea and through that and sheer force of will, be better in a day or two. This is a thing I can do, right? RIGHT.

I have been feeling frustrated with money ever since the hours I spent awake in the middle of the night the other night, worrying about things like money. We're fine, really, but...okay. I think a lot of my frustration is over the amount I spend maintaining myself. I was seeing the acupuncturist every week for the past couple of months. I just cut back to twice a month, and if my asthma stays stable then I'll cut back even more. It's helping my asthma, and it's cut my inhaler use by 75%, so that's good - it's just, there are places I'd rather be putting my money than into my asthma. That's no fun! But it is healthier for the fetus and all. ;) Speaking of no fun, I also find I am bitter about paying for therapy. (My therapist is not covered by my insurance. If I switched to someone local, then it might be. But the guy I'm seeing is Very Good, and I've put a lot of time and effort into working with him. Starting with someone new is more work than I really want to do right now, and since I know how much finding someone new can suck, I probably would put it off until/unless I found myself all basket-casey. Maybe I'll take a break around the birth and start with someone new after?) It's not that it's not helping me - I know it is. It's just that therapy is like exercise - I don't want to do it, I don't look forward to doing it - but in the end, I'm healthier, aren't I? So yeah. I don't know.

Oddly I do not feel the least bit of regret for the money I put into massage or chiropractic treatments. Chiro is actually pretty cheap (covered by insurance, yay!) and has helped me a lot, and massage is completely worth it to me - Erin saves my sanity. Chronic pain is no small thing, and doing something about it really makes me feel better in more than a physical sense. Plus, you know, it feels good. :)

Whoa what just happened there, with all that writing about nothing particularly important? It's The Cold talking, maybe. I should go make some tea. Feel free to ignore the rambling girl in the bathrobe...

Comments

[scarsnsouvenirs.livejournal.com]

I know the self-maintenance frustrations. I hate how much money goes into it, and I REALLY hate how little insurance covers. I once added up how much I spend per month taking care of my asthma, acne, depression, allergies, eczema, and birth control, and it's ridiculous, and unavoidable, too. Jeffrey has better insurance coverage than I do, and he also has very few health problems. I hate that I COULD be carefree, except for all of those issues.

[mangofandango.livejournal.com]

yeah, that's just it - if I wasn't putting money into, you know, taking care of myself (which okay yeah is pretty important :)) I'd have money for funsies. Or at least for not stressing about when we might get to actually put money in our savings account ever again. :P

[allypopsicle.livejournal.com]

I love giving massage but every time I've gone, I sort of feeling like they are too wimpy with me - is that just the style of Swedish massage? What sort of massage do you get? Or is yours more of a therapeutic type of thing?

I also understand the working for so long with someone and not wanting to switch, even with the expenses. There are some things that I think it's ok to "splurge" on - you don't seem like someone who has closets full of shoes or an excess of electronic devices - and therapy, if it's important to you, is something you should keep doing until you feel like you are ready to not do it, or take a break, or whatever.

xoxo.

[mangofandango.livejournal.com]

My massage therapist does a combination of more therapeutic stuff and relaxing stuff. But she definitely does not go easy on me - she tends to leave me a bit sore, in the good sort of way. :) Swedish massage, I think, is more about the gentle and relaxing (I do not know this for sure, but I think so.) Maybe what you need is someone who does deep tissue work, and/or uses a variety of techniques?

And yeah, thanks - I know some things, like therapy, are worth it. It's just a little bit frustrating sometimes that the money I'm spending on therapy could buy me some more shoes or excessive electronic devices- or you know, go into our languishing savings account, which is what really frustrates me. But for now, therapy is important and shoes really not so much, so. :)