Ugh

I have a headache and I have been sleeping very poorly, and my full body itching came back the other day and I'm maybe freaking the fuck out about it (because noooo I am not pregnant so whyyyyyyyy) and there is eczema on both nipples and I am BREASTFEEDING and also my left knee, which sometimes acts up, is acting up.

I feel kind of tortured, broken, creaky and old, and also like crap. It will get better, but right now? I could use a day to collapse physically and kind of emotionally too, and then I would probably be fine. But those days aren't really available to me - and so I am just Really Tired. (The physical demands of parenting are, I think, the hardest for me. The wear and tear stuff, the sleep deprivation, but also just the not being able to physically break now and then.)

All of it is passing and can be addressed except the itching. I am anxious about that. When it was a pregnancy symptom it was hellacious but had a presumed end date - and it did mostly end. But it's back AND WHO KNOWS WHY. I've recently reintroduced all foods to my diet (Sophie's allergens just when I'm out or whatever) so maybe I need to look at that? Food was never an issue for me before, but it's fun how oregnancy and autoimmune stuff mix to create new and exciting problems, and maybe something changed because of that. I don't know. I'm developing a complex.

Ibuprofen and coffee HARDER. Tomorrow will be better.

(no subject)

At the park, as is our new daily post-afternoon nap routine whenever we can. Which this week has been every day but one, and Ryan took the kids that day in the evening. :) the walk and the sun have helped. Thank goodness for spring.