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Sophie is interested in soccer. She is so proud of her soccer ball and she loves to practice kicking and running with her ball, and to play with some of the skills she has learned. The first time we went to soccer, she was so excited she almost cried (in a happy way) when she found out the day had come! And then... the day came. She was a little intimidated by all the kids and the big, tall coach dressed all in black with a Scottish accent (she called him the black man!). He was very friendly and good with the kids, but Sophie found him a little alarming. He kept encouraging her to join in, and that made her feel pressured. So the first day, she went out and played for a while and then got overwhelmed and then sort of embarrassed or disappointed that she felt that way? She was bummed. I suggested we try again next time, and she said yes to that.
The next time came, and she had really psyched herself out about it. So I said she could just watch if she wanted to, and I told the coach she was going to watch. Soccer is an hour long. She watched next to me for 35 minutes. Then, she got up, and kicked the ball a little. She sat on it and rolled off it and got further and further away. Eventually, she was on the field! And the assistant coach, a high school/college aged girl, took her under her wing. Sophie felt comfortable with her, and she stayed out and played for the last 15 minutes or so. It was only 15 minutes, but she felt so successful and she told me she was proud of herself, which made me really happy for her! She said she liked Coach Sierra, and she wanted to play with her again next time. Great! We went very happily to soccer this morning.
And then, surprise! Coach Sierra has begun college classes, and cannot be an assistant coach anymore. That was the first blow.
And the new assistant coach? He's also a large man, with a very loud voice, and he was really pushy. Plus, he kept doing things like holding Sophie's arm so that she would stay close enough to him to listen to him - she was edging away because she found his loud voice a little bit scary and she didn't know him - and then he actually picked her up from a sitting position and stood her on her feet so she would do what he wanted her to do - kick a ball to him or something, he was trying to get her to play. She didn't cry, and she did kick the ball, but she looked really uncomfortable. The first time I didn't say anything because she seemed okay-ish and I wanted to give things a chance. The third time, I told him she was not comfortable with him doing those things, because as he was holding her arm she was looking at me with tears in her eyes, and she needed an advocate then. He stopped, but the damage was done. (I also saw him stand another child up, who was crying, after.) She sat next to me for the rest of the session and I don't blame her. (I am sure he thought I was super helicopter-y or something, but seriously - I can't believe how clueless people can be. She was too afraid to tell him herself, and YOU SHOULDN'T HANDLE PEOPLE'S BODIES, particularly children who just met you, WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION. He didn't ask, he didn't even tell her what he was doing - he just grabbed her, moved her, and held her in place when he felt like it. Why do people think that is okay? If they did it to an adult, they would understand why it is disrespectful and wrong, and certainly why it might make someone uncomfortable or afraid!)
So Sierra isn't coming back, and this is the assistant coach now. I told Sophie that when we talked after, and she said "that is going to be a problem for me." Indeed. I asked her what she wanted to do about it, and she said "I don't know what we can do about that." I didn't make any suggestions yet. If she doesn't want to go, we won't go. I'm just sad for her, because she is pretty disappointed. I think she would have really enjoyed it with a coach she trusted and felt comfortable with. (Her small friends are in a different program in Burlington, I will have to ask how that is and what the coaches are like...)
In the meantime, maybe I will take her out in the yard later and play soccer with her. Or maybe tomorrow...today, the miserable allergies have become a cold and I am feeling not-awesome. :/
The next time came, and she had really psyched herself out about it. So I said she could just watch if she wanted to, and I told the coach she was going to watch. Soccer is an hour long. She watched next to me for 35 minutes. Then, she got up, and kicked the ball a little. She sat on it and rolled off it and got further and further away. Eventually, she was on the field! And the assistant coach, a high school/college aged girl, took her under her wing. Sophie felt comfortable with her, and she stayed out and played for the last 15 minutes or so. It was only 15 minutes, but she felt so successful and she told me she was proud of herself, which made me really happy for her! She said she liked Coach Sierra, and she wanted to play with her again next time. Great! We went very happily to soccer this morning.
And then, surprise! Coach Sierra has begun college classes, and cannot be an assistant coach anymore. That was the first blow.
And the new assistant coach? He's also a large man, with a very loud voice, and he was really pushy. Plus, he kept doing things like holding Sophie's arm so that she would stay close enough to him to listen to him - she was edging away because she found his loud voice a little bit scary and she didn't know him - and then he actually picked her up from a sitting position and stood her on her feet so she would do what he wanted her to do - kick a ball to him or something, he was trying to get her to play. She didn't cry, and she did kick the ball, but she looked really uncomfortable. The first time I didn't say anything because she seemed okay-ish and I wanted to give things a chance. The third time, I told him she was not comfortable with him doing those things, because as he was holding her arm she was looking at me with tears in her eyes, and she needed an advocate then. He stopped, but the damage was done. (I also saw him stand another child up, who was crying, after.) She sat next to me for the rest of the session and I don't blame her. (I am sure he thought I was super helicopter-y or something, but seriously - I can't believe how clueless people can be. She was too afraid to tell him herself, and YOU SHOULDN'T HANDLE PEOPLE'S BODIES, particularly children who just met you, WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION. He didn't ask, he didn't even tell her what he was doing - he just grabbed her, moved her, and held her in place when he felt like it. Why do people think that is okay? If they did it to an adult, they would understand why it is disrespectful and wrong, and certainly why it might make someone uncomfortable or afraid!)
So Sierra isn't coming back, and this is the assistant coach now. I told Sophie that when we talked after, and she said "that is going to be a problem for me." Indeed. I asked her what she wanted to do about it, and she said "I don't know what we can do about that." I didn't make any suggestions yet. If she doesn't want to go, we won't go. I'm just sad for her, because she is pretty disappointed. I think she would have really enjoyed it with a coach she trusted and felt comfortable with. (Her small friends are in a different program in Burlington, I will have to ask how that is and what the coaches are like...)
In the meantime, maybe I will take her out in the yard later and play soccer with her. Or maybe tomorrow...today, the miserable allergies have become a cold and I am feeling not-awesome. :/
