4 is after 3

[mangofandango]

A few months ago, Sophie famously laughed at me when we were sort of jokingly discussing when she might stop nursing and I said "what about when you're 4?" She said "hahaha, 4 is after 3!" And even less time ago, when a couple of her friends weaned, she told me she wasn't ready to do that. But around the end of June, she told us, practically out of the blue, that she would wean on the third. She talked about how her 4th birthday party could be a weaning party then, and she made her plan. Of her own accord, she drew a smiley on her calendar on the third.

I didn't know if she'd go through with it. I didn't want to push or make it harder, so I mostly just waited to see. At bedtime she asked me to "scritch" her back, and then sit in the chair in her room while she fell asleep. And it took her a while, but she did it!

So in the morning she said it was hard and I told her I knew and I was proud of her. She hasn't nursed since the morning of the 3rd. But she's still having sad feelings about it. She's stuck to her plan, but she's obviously still struggling with it. I think since she decided herself, she must be ready, but it's been a little sad to see it end this way. I expected her to never to wean until she was completely over it and not emotionally invested anymore...I wasn't really prepared for it to be a more complicated thing than that.

So tonight, she was so tired, and in bed she said "Mama, I wish we had done an extra special last nurse on the day that I weaned." I told her what I remembered about the last nurse we did - and admittedly, it wasn't all that special. She said "Could we do one last special nurse?" I said I thought that might be confusing, and she just sort of sighed. I asked how she felt, and she said "it's tiring." She wanted the easy comfort of being nursed to sleep when she was so tired, I get that. But I also think she we right. We didn't do a loving, special send off, and I think that that might help bring some closure. So I think in the morning I will tell her that on her birthday in a few days, we will do one last special nurse, to say goodbye to it. I'm thinking her birthday because its obviously a special day, and she won't get the idea that this will happen on any old day...and it's also a happy, special day to mark the occasion. I will choose a time of day when she's awake so we can focus on it and not have it be about falling asleep. I hope this will be a positive thing, and help her to move on. I hope it doesn't come back to bite me. :) I don't think it will, though.

I'm writing this mostly as processing. But hey, it's a big moment! And here we are.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Ianto weaned. I wasn't ready. He was. I am so sad. He didn't nurse for a week and then when I offered, he didn't remember how. Which kind of blows my mind--how could he do it for 3+ years, his entire existence, and then suddenly after a week of not doing it completely forget how?! Does not compute. Anyway, it fills me with such deep grief, probably because I will have no more babies. :(

I know how you're feeling, at least a little. And I think one last nurse will be important for you both. And good. And I wish we'd done it for us. Just don't wait too long, lest she forget how! ;)

[mangofandango.livejournal.com]

You know, it's funny - she was forgetting how too, even though she was doing it every day. She'd latch really terribly and I'd ask her to fix it and even tell her how, and she got really clumsy at it and like she dind't quite know what she was doing. So I knew it was coming, the weaning.But isn't it such a strange thing, that they slowly forget something they have always known?

I'm sorry that Ianto was done before you were. I was ready for Sophie to be done, so the way I'm feeling now is sort of different...but I do understand, or can imagine, how you must be feeling. Hugs to you. <3

I talked to Sophie about the Last Nurse idea this morning, and she seems a little more at peace with things just having had that conversation. So I think it will be good. I hope so.

Thanks, T. <3