(no subject)

Today we picked some library books, paid the rent, paid this year's co-op membership fee, did our grocery shopping, and bought some new violin strings. Going to the violin store caused me to kind of panic. I mean, I got all excited about the violins and the music books and everything, but I also had some panic. This is because I want to play the violin again, and I do enjoy it...but there's a whole slew of bad associations. Stress and guilt and pressure from when I was younger and I was compelled to play, because of lessons and my parents making it something to fight with me over and so on. And I think I need to be compelled to play again, to get the discipline back...but I need to get over the panic-striken desire to flee first. It's also depressing to have played for ten years, and to have stopped for a few - now I'll have to relearn. Some of it is like riding a bike, but I'd have so much work to do, and my technique was never great. I bought cheap strings, and I wish I had sprung for the better ones...because if I'm going to play, I want to do it right.

I just have a fear of commitment when it comes to this. But I should get my violin fixed up, put new strings on it, and just take it out. I will start there. I will play from the books I used years ago, and work my way back up to a reasonable level. And then - then maybe I'll consider lessons or the URI orchestra or some other thing to help me be disciplined and put some work into it.

And now to completely change the subject,

In relation to my Saywer vs. Spike ranting the other day, a whole bunch of people who agree with me - thank goodness!

http://www.livejournal.com/users/dtissagirl/210470.html?view=4065318#t4065318