mangofandango: (mango!)
[personal profile] mangofandango
Hey everybody. A bunch of you already know about this because of FILTERED POSTS but for those that do not: I am pregnant. Which is why the long silence, actually - my life has been sort of defined by the pregnancy because I have had super intense life-defining morning sickness, and it's hard to talk about other things without first acknowledging how terrible you feel in that situation, you know? But, it's gotten much much better - it lifted some a little after 9 weeks and it's lifted more since then. I'm not exactly reveling in wellness at this point but the improvement is so much that okay, I actually kind of am reveling in the *relative* wellness. I was on Zofran and benedryl all the time I was awake for the first few weeks I was sick. They worked well, I just Had to be on them all the time. Now I am down to usually one or sometimes two doses a day. I'm really really hungry, and I can eat whatever I want pretty much as long as it sounds good (that is the sometimes-tricky qualifier). So, it's a day by day thing, but it's better.

On to the exciting part - I am pregnant, whoa! Even though for years I said I wasn't sure if I was going to want another child (I said maybe when Sophie's 5, and lo, she will be 5 when this critter is born!), we eventually decided we did want one more, so this was a planned thing. I am excited to meet this new person, I hope they are growing well and happily in there. Sophie is over the moon, and I'm feeling all emotional about that too. I'm due in early August, and Sophie is a July birthday, so we'll have two summer babies!

We told Sophie about it just before Christmas, because we were about to tell other people - we were staying with Ryan's family and seeing mine for the holiday, and I wanted people to be aware that I was pregnant so they wouldn't think I had the flu or something. ;) (It went pretty well. No throwing up! I sat very still in a ball a lot, and I was not full of energy and spoons, but. :)) Since it was so early, we told her that I was trying to grow a baby, but we weren't sure if it was working yet because we had to have the doctor take a look and make sure it was growing in the right place and things like that. Her initial response was, nervously, "I don't know what I feel about that." And then after a couple of minutes of us saying things, she said "I am not ready to talk about this yet." So we told her that was okay, and we would talk again when she felt ready, but if she had any questions or wanted to talk about her feelings we could do that. And we left it alone. I told my family how she felt about it and no one said anything to her, so that was good. A couple weeks later I had my ultrasound, and she and Ryan came so she could see and hear the heartbeat and stuff. (I debated about this, because of the risk she'd be present for bad news...but in the end we decided that we would work through that if it happened.) She got to see the ultrasound and hear the heartbeat, and by the time we left the office she was ecstatic about everything. She has been ever since! I think she was either unsure how to feel because she was unsure if it was real, or it was something she really wanted and she was nervous it wasn't real...but either way, I ended up being glad we took her.

She has named the fetus Raspberry (because the picture of a zygote in her book sort of resembles one), and she tries to talk to it through my belly button. She whispered into my belly button "Raspberry, I am really going to be your sister." My heart simultanously grew three sizes, broke, and melted. :)

I do think she is suffering some anxiety because of the pregnancy...I was sick a long time and there's also the huge impending life change. She can't name it or talk about it, but she is definitely having more rigid, OCD-type behaviors in the past couple of weeks and we think that's why. I am hoping I can help her process a bit so that things calm down a little.

So I am 12 weeks now, and feeling much better in general. I have had more violent cravings this pregnancy than I remember having with Sophie, in that I do not remember ever being WOKEN IN THE NIGHT by a craving so intense I could not get back to sleep. That night it was a craving for drunken noodle (a spicy noodle dish from the Thai place 20 minutes away...not exactly available to me in the middle of the night!) The other day, I craved vegetables and fruit to the exclusion of all else. I ate brussel sprouts, turnips, starfruit, coconut, and a chia drink for dinner/snack, basically. And a teeny bit of salmon. :) Last night, I longed for watermelon. Today, my craving is for the ridiculously thick and gooey fettucine alfredo that you get from, like, chain Italian restaurants. It is SO INTENSE that I would totally go get some right this minute, except that it is 3:30 and there is nowhere reasonably close that is open and offers that particular thing I so desire...but I am finding it hard to move on. Really hard. A lot hard. OMG.

OK so now that that is out there, I feel like I can speak again. I was being quiet for a long time here because it was like, hanging there over everything. Hi everybody, I am pregnant. How are you? :)
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March 2016

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