Nov. 12th, 2014

mangofandango: (Default)
I can't tell if it's 4 month sleep regression time or if Enoch's body just would really prefer I dr not eat chickpeas. But it has not been the best few nights. (Seriously - events conspired so that I have eaten chickpeas like every day for the past three days and this kid is gassy. But I'm low on protein options so uh, yeah.) I've also been knocking myself out the past few days, staying out too long in the mornings (mostly for reasons involving car logistics) and then coming home to crash. Today we got home and Sophie went straight to quiet time, while I settled in to nap with Enoch. I didn't actually sleep but I did sit with him for like, over two hours - he was so tired and I was, too.

That said - it's amazing how much better a rough night looks with enoch than it did with Sophie. Like whoa. A rough Enoch night is like, having to sit up with a gassy squirmy baby who is mostly asleep, just uncomfortable and unable to maintain sleep in a lying down position. And it's not that I sit all night, just more than usual. With Sophie, rough nights were endless and audible from possibly outer space. With Sophie, I wept while bouncing for hours on an exercise ball, despairing of ever sleeping again and stressed about making her into a baby who slept. It's so obviously a mix of baby personality (and cry quality, good lord) varying along with parenting attitudes varying between babies, and it's impossible to know how much better things would have been with Sophie if I didn't fight her so hard. But I can't help thinking about it, and what might have been different if I'd been different then. I think I've written about all this before and probably will again if I keep updating in the middle of the night, sorry. ;)

I feel like I keep saying the same things over and over. Maybe I actually am or maybe I just want to explore the same grooves of my brain and new life over and over until I know them better. Apologies if I'm doing it for real as much as I think I am. I think about writing or talking more than j actually get around to doing those things, so that's a factor.

So. Here I am. It's hard sometimes but infinitely less hard than it was the first time. I'm tired a lot in different ways - for example, physically schlepping everyone everywhere is harder, and I am noticing that my poor introversion is struggling with how rarely I am alone. It's making me more reactive and less interested in social interaction that is any kind of work at all, and I am starting to feel subtle pressure from, like, the world to be ready to see people and do things more again. And I'm still not wanting more then our very full but very family-oriented routine. I like seeing friends at things I'm already going to and Sophie has her regularly scheduled activities that sort of define our days with one car and Ryan at the office, and that's plenty to keep up with along with the work of like, daily life. I'm trying to give myself plenty of room here, and as many afternoons sitting or napping with baby as I can. This week, I am getting a massage. :)

Ok he's had some digesting time - now maybe we can go lie down. :)


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