Jun. 20th, 2014

mangofandango: (art/ selluinaer/ b&w)
Adventures in preparing one's almost-5 year old for theoretically being present for the birth...my doula and Kelly came over and we watched some birth videos with Sophie. I wrote this to Abigail (the doula) and Kelly after, and I am pasting it here for posterity, because I think it is interesting. Sophie still has some processing to do and she is worried about seeing me in pain, but we've been talking about it over the past few days and I think she's handling it well. Last night, she reminded me of what the mother in the video "Birth Day" says about contractions - that for her, when she was looking at her partner during them, they felt less like pain and more like "love bursting out". Sophie suggested I think of them that way, and that I focus on happy things - which shows me she is taking in what I said about how it will hurt, but I am okay with that because it is something I am happy about. Anyway, here is the email I wrote a couple days ago about it:

So Ryan says good night and turns off the light and leaves, and Sophie and I are in her bed. She immediately says "Let's talk about pregnancy." I asked what she wanted to talk about and she said "pain". Heh.

So we talked a little bit and she mentioned the yelling and screaming she heard in the video, and I asked how she felt about having heard that. She started out saying "happy and kind of funny". (If you ask her how she feels about something and she is uncomfortable, that's kind of where she always starts. Like, happy is safe and "funny" is a euphemism, I guess?) I asked why she thought she felt those things, and she said "Happy because there was a baby being born!" We broke down "funny" a little bit and she started out saying "I don't know why I thought the screeching was a little bit exciting, I guess because it meant the baby was coming out." But after that she got around to saying that it upset her to hear it and it was hard for her to think of me screaming or being in pain.

We talked about a few aspects of that: that I'd done it before to have her and that I was okay even though it was hard, and that I'd have a lot of people to help me when Raspberry is being born, and things like that, and also about her experiences with pain - she seemed to relax a little when she remembered that she screams and cries and yells when she is hurt, as a way of letting the feelings out - I am not sure why that was comforting exactly, but it seemed to be. She said "I have scraped my knees, and I think knee scraping might be the most painful kind of pain because the bones are so hard...but I don't know." I didn't disabuse her of that notion, just agreed that it is quite painful. ;) She talked about the different kinds of pain she has felt. I also acknowledged that it would be hard for her to see me in pain, but asked her how she thought my heart would feel about it while I was in labor. She said "Happy, because you are having a baby!" So okay, we have that part clear I think. ;)

I asked her how she felt about watching our baby's birth now that she had seen some recorded births. She said she still wanted to be there and watch but wanted to know if she could hide for a while if she felt scared. ("if it were in a stream, I could hide behind some bushes! But in the hospital I could hide behind some furniture.") I reminded her she would be with Kelly, so she could hide, or she could get a hug, or she could leave the room if she wanted to. She seemed to feel better being reminded of all of that. :) Before she actually went to sleep, she wanted me to talk about all the good things that would happen after the baby is born, like she will get to see him and tell him who she is and say hi. Heh. :) And then she basically passed out!

So! I think there is a LOT there and it's good we did this now, so that she has lots of time to keep processing it and talking about it - and it'll work in conjunction with the sibling-to-be class we're doing on Sunday. I expect it will keep coming up a lot, but it was interesting to see the floodgates of discussion open INSTANTLY once we were ready for bed. I think this is good stuff!

Profile

mangofandango: (Default)
mangofandango

March 2016

S M T W T F S
  12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223 242526
2728293031  

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 23rd, 2017 03:35 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios