Feb. 16th, 2014

chrysalis

Feb. 16th, 2014 10:20 am
mangofandango: (gg/ trutdelamode/ rory and logan)
I've been reading my old journals - like, really old, from when I was a teenager. It's a strange experience. I have all the diaries and journals I kept as a kid, and they've been sitting on a shelf for years, but something possessed me recently and I picked one up. It's...I recognize myself, but I don't, and as is always the thing when you read old writing...god, it's embarassing sometimes! I was so sure at 15 and 16 and 17 that I was pretty much already set, I knew what was up, and I was Smarter and Wiser and felt things more truly and deeply than "normal teenagers". Cringe. But despite the cringe, I am so glad I kept these books. They still mean something to me even though they are nothing I'd want to share with others. :) And it struck me this morning that maybe the reason I am drawn to my teenage journals right now is partly because of this sort of chrysalis stage I'm in - pregnancy feels that way to me, like I want to be quiet and still and look in and wait, and then when I am done, I will have a different life. I think more so in winter, because I tend to want to hibernate anyway, but...yeah. And when I was a teenager, it was a different kind of chrysalis stage - but still definitely that. I mean, it's practically a universal teen feeling, maybe. Like, I had all this STUFF inside me and I was just kind of waiting to live my real life, because that's how it felt (even though now I realize, it's all your real life, kiddo, every minute). And when you leave that stage...you're something else. So.

Look, reading my teenage writing has made me want to write Journal Entries. hee. :)

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mangofandango

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